Headlights cut through the thickening fog, lighting wisps of the mass of water droplets that had coalesced around the ground. Jack and Juan had checked the weather before they left their apartment and the fog had not been on the forecast. That’s why its sudden appearance had surprised them.
“Are we lost?” Jack asked, looking over from the passenger seat to Juan.
“No, babe.” Juan said, focusing on the road, squinting almost imperceptibly, scanning the sides of the road and hoping amongst hope that a deer wouldn’t jump in front of their car.
“Okay,” Jack said, “It just, seems like we’re lost.”
“Right at the Lotsa Stuf, that’s what the GPS said.” Juan replied.
“Well, not at the Lotsa Stuf. The GPS doesn't give that specific of directions.” Jack replied, nervously entwining his fingers together, his thumbs circling one another.
“Okay, smart aleck.” Juan said.
“In one hundred feet, turn right.” The GPS said.
Through the fog, light from an LED sign appeared. As they approached, Jack’s mouth dropped open.
LOTSA STUF
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“Is that…?” Jack asked, trailing off.
Juan flicked the knob of the right blinker up, looking over his right shoulder to check the blind spot as their car slowly approached the turning lane.
“Babe, I think we should pull over and ask for directions.” Jack said.
Juan shook his head, “I’m not stopping to ask for directions, we’re not lost.”
“Turn right.” The female voice of the GPS said.
Juan turned the steering wheel, merging onto a highway. He kept the speed of the car moderate since his vision was impaired by the fog.
“Stay in the middle lane, on…” The GPS began. There was a brief static noise and then it cut back in, “Highway Four, for the next twenty miles.”
“We’re completely lost! We’re the definition of lost! We just passed by the same gas station!” Jack said indignantly.
“Calm down, J. That’s not possible, we were going west the entire time after I turned. That’s just a different Lotsa Stuf.”
Jack looked at Juan skeptically, “Are you sure?”
Juan nodded, “Positive.”
“Okay…” Jack said.
They drove in silence, Juan focusing his attention on the road in front of them. Jack, looking pensively out of the window. After a while, Jack turned the knob of the radio, to turn it on.
“...clear roads around McKamey, no accidents to report of. There is that light fog you have to watch out for and there’s a speed trap reported on Route One-Two-Two.”
Jack looked over toward Juan, “One two two? Where’s that?”
Juan shrugged, but furrowed his brow, “Not sure. We must be picking up a station from further away. I’ve never heard of McKamey either.”
“...be back after this commercial break to give you time to check on your children’s cribs.”
“The fuck?” Juan said, looking over toward Jack.
“Heeyyyyyyyyy there kiddies and kiddos! It’s your old pal Moxey the Clown, here to remind you that an all new episode of Moxey’s Circus will be on tomorrow on your local Public Broadcasting System. If you don’t know what that is, be sure to ask your parents. Unless they’re sleeping. In which case, go to the kitchen in your house and grab the BIGGEST knife…”
“Okayyyyyyyyy…” Jack said, turning the knob, hearing the static and distorted voices as he flipped through the stations, “Did not like the vibes of that station at all.”
“Yeah, that whole thing was pretty messed up,” Juan said. Then added, “Hey, babe?”
Jack stopped messing with the dial of the radio, turning the volume down and looked over toward him, “Yeah?”
“Not to change the subject from that weird station, but I was thinking, what if you came home with me for Christmas break? I mean, I know you and the other T.A.’s usually have that get together, but, I just thought…”
Jack’s mouth was hanging open a little, “Serious?”
Juan shrugged, “Yeah?”
Jack beamed, “I would love that! Your family would be okay with it?”
Juan, “Yeah. I kind of ran the idea by my Moms last weekend. She said, at least her and Pops would love to meet you. So if you want to-”
Jack nodded, “I would love that. I could just kiss you right now, if it wouldn’t drastically increase our chances of getting in a wreck.”
Juan looked over toward Jack, “Yeah?”
“Yeah, babe, I really would love it.”
“Great!”
“Yeah!” Jack said, turning his head to look out at the passing countryside. “Looks like the fog is lifting a little.”
“Finally.” Juan said.
“Is that…” Jack said, squinting, then grabbing his glasses out of the center console and put them on. “Oh my God, babe, there’s someone on the side of the road!”
Juan flipped the high beams, off the side of the road on a shoulder, was a man sitting in a wooden rocking chair. The chair was slowly moving back and forth along its legs. He had a woolen cap on his head that covered the majority of his face that a large white beard did not. He wore a green sweater with a reindeer. His pants were pulled down, along with stained white underwear which had been pulled down to his tan work boots. His hand moved in his lap.
“Is he…Oh, my God, he’s playing with himself.”
Juan slowed the car down, the two men looking out the passenger window. The old man paid the vehicle no mind as he pumped his hand up and down.
“You keep practicing safe sex, honey.” Jack said out the window in the direction of the old man.
The man looked up toward them. What could be seen of his skin, was covered in dark scabs and cuts, a mix of red soreness and pustule. He smiled to Jack, “You want to come help?”
The man started to stand up, Jack pushed the button on the window to roll it up, “Oh my God, go!”
Juan hit the gas pedal, there was a brief hitch as the vehicle skid on some sand that had been put down for the impending snow
Jack leaned back in the seat, Juan tightened his grip on the steering wheel.
“What a night.” Jack said.
“And we’re not even at the party yet, which is guaranteed to be wild.”
“Yeah…” Jack said, his brow furrowing. He leaned over to look at Juan’s phone, which was propped up by a plastic holder Juan had bought, “What’s with that, anyway? Shouldn’t we be getting close?”
Juan looked over at the GPS. He frowned.
The map on the GPS showed that they were traveling North on Highway four, but he was positive that they had turned south onto it and that they were only supposed to be on that particular highway for twenty miles. The mileage now read one hundred and twenty miles.
“Babe?” Jack asked.
“I don’t know, maybe you’re right,” Juan glanced back to the road, “SHIT!”
Juan slammed on the breaks and turned the steering wheel hard to the right, the tires of the vehicle lurched as they were quickly turned into a hard stop. Jack jerked forward, but his seatbelt caught, pulling him back onto the passenger seat.
Ding. Ding.
Riding right past them as if nothing had happened and on their side of the street was a clown riding a pennyfarthing. The clown had white clown makeup, red puffs of hair on the sides of his head and a big red nose. He had a hat that sat on the top of his bald head.
The clown stamped his feet on the pedals and his shoes produced a loud squeak the two could hear in Juan’s car. The clown laughed and then rang the bell on his pennyfarthing.
Ding. Ding.
Just as quickly as he had appeared, the clown was gone.
Jack’s hand was on his heart, “Did you…”
“Yeah, I saw it.” Juan nodded.
“I don’t even know if I want to go to this fucking party now.” Jack said.
Juan took a deep breath, checked his mirrors and pulled the car back onto the road, gaining slow speed.
“We’ll stop at the next gas station. I’ll ask for directions.”
Jack nodded. Then pulled out a joint from the center console, lighting it up. He took a big drag off of it, then handed it to Juan who did the same. Jack took a deep breath, then nodded, “Okay. Okay. Sounds like a plan.”
He leaned forward, turning the knob of the radio on, “I hope I can find some trip hop or something. I need the vibes.”
Static came from the radio, then momentarily silence.
“Hello?”
“Yeah, we need some LoFi Girl or something.” Juan nodded.
Jack laughed, “For real.”
“Hello? Jonathan?”
Gooseflesh ran along Jack’s skin.
“Jonathan? Hello? I can’t see you!”
“D-Dad?”
Juan slammed on the brakes to the car, again briefly throwing the two of them against their seatbelts. Jack was only called Jonathan really by his parents. The only problem with that, was that his Dad had died of a heart attack five years before they sat in Juan’s vehicle.
“Son! You’re here! Oh thank Christ, I’m not alone anymore.”
“Where are you, Dad?” Jack asked.
He turned around in the seat of the car, looking around the wilderness surrounding the vehicle.
“Well, son, I’ll give you a hint. There’s weeping and gnashing of teeth nightly.”
Juan mouthed, “Hell?”
Jack leaned back in his seat, furrowing his brow and looking at the radio.
“Son? Awe, fuck. You fooling around with some queer again instead of helping your old man out?”
“Dad?”
“Should have spoken to your brother, been trying to reach someone for years now. See you around, kid.”
There was static on the radio, then silence which consumed the vehicle and the barrens around it
“Dad? DAD?”
Juan shook his head, reaching forward and turning the dial off. He pushed the button on his seat belt and scooted forward, pulling Jack into an embrace. Jack sobbed and Juan slowly rubbed Jack’s back.
After a moment's silence Juan said, “Some people, no matter what, are just going to be like that. No matter what we do. There are some who, if we show them that all we want is to love and be loved, they’ll come around and it’ll take time. I don’t know what the, pardon the pun, hell is going on tonight. I really don’t. If that was your Dad, who knows what he would have thought about us. I know the two of you were pretty toxic and that had a lot to do with it. Given time though, if he were able to see us together, maybe he would have come around.”
Jack leaned back, nodding.
“Are you okay?” Juan asked.
Jack sniffed, wiping his eyes and nodded, “As good as can be expected.”
“Ready to go?” Juan asked, leaning back in the driver’s seat.
“Yeah,” He flipped his middle finger toward the radio, “Save me a seat.”
Juan smiled and pulled the seat belt and clicked it into place. The vehicle slowly began to move forward. The road curved as the vehicle picked up speed. As they turned the corner they could see lights and a sign.
LOTSA STUF
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